So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
