GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
