last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
