I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
