A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
