sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fill condoms, not promises.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
