My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
