I'm really into asian looking animals
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
