Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
