I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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