Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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