Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
