just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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