so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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