My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
