if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
