Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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