This girl is more easily done than said...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We named our party play list daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you never un-have a 4some
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize