I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
