Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
