I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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