nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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