i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
