I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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