i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
