All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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