this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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