bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
