so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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