i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
