He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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