I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
