saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
be right there i have to get my cape
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
