dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
