Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
