Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im part way to drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
