my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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