Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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