And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
