Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he puts the penis in happiness.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
