I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
