After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
