tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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