He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
