I just saw a hot homeless man
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
