so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
