Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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