Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
