mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
