come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
