the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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