why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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