When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
