i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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