It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your penis caused this!
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