What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
