so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
