ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
