In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
