Christians are straight up FREAKS
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
