nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
