A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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