hotel room ftw
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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