i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
