I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
