she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
